Skills: The People
Jun. 7th, 2006 08:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teleribWithout your players, your game is a very exciting, breathtaking, one-man storytelling hour. The players provide the interactions that make the hobby what it is. They also thoughtfully provide the interactions that drive you mad.
The uppermost level of dealing with your players is normal old people-wrangling skills. There are books and books written on this, often for managers. In my opinion, you can break things down pretty simply.
Communicate. But do so in an appropriate and adult manner. Praise in public, criticise in private. If you are having a problem with a player, by all means address it - but not in front of everyone else. Whenever possible, try to see to the root of problems instead of obsessing about the most recent symptoms.
Be honest. I have never lost my players' respect by admitting I made a mistake or didn't have a game ready. I have annoyed and frustrated them by trying to brazen through a lousy game I was not prepared to run. It is okay to have expectations and standards, but your players cannot read your mind. Tell them, tell them why you hold these expectations, and tell them what is likely to occur if they are not met. Do that when you are not angry. Ultimatums are issued when you are angry ("If you freaks can't make the game on time, I just won't run it!"). Limits are established when you are not. ("We haven't made our start time in weeks. I don't like starting so late; I don't feel that I can run a good game. Guys, I can't do this. Please try and make the start time next week, or let's move to a different night, or else I'm going to have to bail on this. Sorry.")
Be respectful. This is that whole "do unto others" thing again. It means thinking before you speak or act, which is hard. Seriously. A lot of advice on dealing with people makes it sound easy. If it were easy, we'd be able to decide "let's be nice to each other" and have world peace.
You will reap what you sow. Treat people like adults and they will be more likely to act like adults. Act like a high school drama queen and you will get drama in return.
That's about as good as I can manage in a short LJ post. Some people are naturally good at this; some people aren't. Like I said, there are books and books on it.
In addition to being people, gamers are gamers. And there are some unique gamer personal problems that crop up.
"Just Playing My Character" Guy
The vast, vast majority of player problems I have seen asked about on GM forums center around a player who will not play well with the team. He (or she) is a major pain in the butt, acts against the party, and is generally disruptive. In his own eyes, however, the player is an angel, blessed by the role-playing gods and given the divine mandate to "play my character right." GMs, who want to see good role-playing, are often stymied by this answer.
There is an excellent essay on this very topic in the 7th Sea Player's Handbook. (Just $14.95 at DriveThruRPG.) It boils down to two main points:
1) GMs shouldn't allow troublesome character types. Words like "loner," "assassin," and "a rebel spirit who does things his own way" are your tip-offs. If the character doesn't like to follow the rules (including those of a party of loyal heroes) then why is he with them?
2) PCs should remember that, in real life, we don't always "play our characters." We compromise ourselves, daily. Hopefully, we compromise on things less important to us, especially so that those dear to us do not have to compromise on things very important to them. We go out for Thai when we wanted Mexican, or sit through an opera (or ballgame) even though it means we're missing the ballgame (or opera), and applaud politely for everyone else's off-key little darlings at the Talent Show because we know they'll applaud politely when its's Our Kid up there.
By sticking to a rigid idea of how their character must be played, these players are 1) causing in-character headaches for the rest of the party which, if they had a more nuanced take on their PC, they might have compromised to avoid and 2) causing real-life headaches for their friends at the table, to whom they should show more respect.
Respectfully and privately, but firmly, point this out to the problem player. Most of the time, people don't realize their behavior is a problem and they will be willing to work to change it. The rest of the time, people are jerks. See "It's Not You, It's Me," below.
Evil Stage Hog Guy
Hi. I'm Teleri, and I'm an Evil Stage Hog.
Well, maybe I'm more of a Misguided Stage Hog. It's not that I mean to try and involve myself in every scene, or talk to all the NPCs all the time, or boss everyone around. The game's just so much more fun when I'm really involved in it! I love this game! I want to talk and talk and talk and OH I've got this great idea for...
Yeah.
Like with Just Playing My Character Guy, first assume that the Evil Stage Hog doesn't realize that there is a problem. Point the problem out. This is one time where low-key at-table corrections might be very applicable: "Uh, Teleri, you're not there. Let me finish this scene with Bob and I'll get to you in a minute."
It's Not You, It's Me
The other main, possibly traumatic gaming personal/personnel issue is disinviting someone from a gaming group.
Imagine for a minute that you're the player. Every week, you're sniping at another player (or two, or the table) and fighting with the GM. You're still having fun, especially when you get your way (in or out of character), but boy, things are getting marginal. The other players are annoying and smell and the GM has a stick up his butt about something, and a ton of house rules that are inconsistently applied. You'd quit if there was a better group out there.
How would you like to be dumped?
Disinviting someone from a group is a rejection. They're not going to like it. It may be the best solution to some problems, though. Even people who are great friends may not game well together. It isn't anyone's fault.
I have heard people propose, in all seriousness, to pretend to end a game and then reconvene it without the offending player. Or treating the player (or his character) so badly that he leaves of his own accord. If you are not still in high school, you should not be having thoughts like this!
This is a break-up. Do it as cleanly and with as much compassion as you can. If you are dead-set on keeping someone out of a group, do not answer questions like, "What was wrong?" with anything that starts with "You..."
"What was wrong?"
"You are always late, eat all the pizza and hit on my girlfriend."
"I'll start coming on time and leave your girlfriend alone!"
"What was wrong?"
"You're a jerk."
"I'll change!"
Instead, answer the question with something that starts with "I..."
"What was wrong?"
"I'm not comfortable with the way you treat my girlfriend, and I think it's better that you don't come here anymore."
"I'll stop!"
"I'm sorry; she and I just aren't happy to have you here anymore."
"What was wrong?"
"I can't handle you in my game. It's my fault - your creative, out-of-the-box thinking just totally derails every plot I've tried to run for the past two months. I can see that the way you have fun and the way I have fun just aren't going to work well together."
"I'll change!"
"Bob, we've talked about this before, and you haven't changed at all. I just can't cope with it anymore."
I'm going to gloss over Abilities, since I don't remember anymore how they're different at all from Skills. (Maybe they're like Advantages in-game?...) We'll hit goal-setting next, and then I'll take a stab at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
m_streight's original question: How do I get my players to role-play more?
The uppermost level of dealing with your players is normal old people-wrangling skills. There are books and books written on this, often for managers. In my opinion, you can break things down pretty simply.
Communicate. But do so in an appropriate and adult manner. Praise in public, criticise in private. If you are having a problem with a player, by all means address it - but not in front of everyone else. Whenever possible, try to see to the root of problems instead of obsessing about the most recent symptoms.
Be honest. I have never lost my players' respect by admitting I made a mistake or didn't have a game ready. I have annoyed and frustrated them by trying to brazen through a lousy game I was not prepared to run. It is okay to have expectations and standards, but your players cannot read your mind. Tell them, tell them why you hold these expectations, and tell them what is likely to occur if they are not met. Do that when you are not angry. Ultimatums are issued when you are angry ("If you freaks can't make the game on time, I just won't run it!"). Limits are established when you are not. ("We haven't made our start time in weeks. I don't like starting so late; I don't feel that I can run a good game. Guys, I can't do this. Please try and make the start time next week, or let's move to a different night, or else I'm going to have to bail on this. Sorry.")
Be respectful. This is that whole "do unto others" thing again. It means thinking before you speak or act, which is hard. Seriously. A lot of advice on dealing with people makes it sound easy. If it were easy, we'd be able to decide "let's be nice to each other" and have world peace.
You will reap what you sow. Treat people like adults and they will be more likely to act like adults. Act like a high school drama queen and you will get drama in return.
That's about as good as I can manage in a short LJ post. Some people are naturally good at this; some people aren't. Like I said, there are books and books on it.
In addition to being people, gamers are gamers. And there are some unique gamer personal problems that crop up.
"Just Playing My Character" Guy
The vast, vast majority of player problems I have seen asked about on GM forums center around a player who will not play well with the team. He (or she) is a major pain in the butt, acts against the party, and is generally disruptive. In his own eyes, however, the player is an angel, blessed by the role-playing gods and given the divine mandate to "play my character right." GMs, who want to see good role-playing, are often stymied by this answer.
There is an excellent essay on this very topic in the 7th Sea Player's Handbook. (Just $14.95 at DriveThruRPG.) It boils down to two main points:
1) GMs shouldn't allow troublesome character types. Words like "loner," "assassin," and "a rebel spirit who does things his own way" are your tip-offs. If the character doesn't like to follow the rules (including those of a party of loyal heroes) then why is he with them?
2) PCs should remember that, in real life, we don't always "play our characters." We compromise ourselves, daily. Hopefully, we compromise on things less important to us, especially so that those dear to us do not have to compromise on things very important to them. We go out for Thai when we wanted Mexican, or sit through an opera (or ballgame) even though it means we're missing the ballgame (or opera), and applaud politely for everyone else's off-key little darlings at the Talent Show because we know they'll applaud politely when its's Our Kid up there.
By sticking to a rigid idea of how their character must be played, these players are 1) causing in-character headaches for the rest of the party which, if they had a more nuanced take on their PC, they might have compromised to avoid and 2) causing real-life headaches for their friends at the table, to whom they should show more respect.
Respectfully and privately, but firmly, point this out to the problem player. Most of the time, people don't realize their behavior is a problem and they will be willing to work to change it. The rest of the time, people are jerks. See "It's Not You, It's Me," below.
Evil Stage Hog Guy
Hi. I'm Teleri, and I'm an Evil Stage Hog.
Well, maybe I'm more of a Misguided Stage Hog. It's not that I mean to try and involve myself in every scene, or talk to all the NPCs all the time, or boss everyone around. The game's just so much more fun when I'm really involved in it! I love this game! I want to talk and talk and talk and OH I've got this great idea for...
Yeah.
Like with Just Playing My Character Guy, first assume that the Evil Stage Hog doesn't realize that there is a problem. Point the problem out. This is one time where low-key at-table corrections might be very applicable: "Uh, Teleri, you're not there. Let me finish this scene with Bob and I'll get to you in a minute."
It's Not You, It's Me
The other main, possibly traumatic gaming personal/personnel issue is disinviting someone from a gaming group.
Imagine for a minute that you're the player. Every week, you're sniping at another player (or two, or the table) and fighting with the GM. You're still having fun, especially when you get your way (in or out of character), but boy, things are getting marginal. The other players are annoying and smell and the GM has a stick up his butt about something, and a ton of house rules that are inconsistently applied. You'd quit if there was a better group out there.
How would you like to be dumped?
Disinviting someone from a group is a rejection. They're not going to like it. It may be the best solution to some problems, though. Even people who are great friends may not game well together. It isn't anyone's fault.
I have heard people propose, in all seriousness, to pretend to end a game and then reconvene it without the offending player. Or treating the player (or his character) so badly that he leaves of his own accord. If you are not still in high school, you should not be having thoughts like this!
This is a break-up. Do it as cleanly and with as much compassion as you can. If you are dead-set on keeping someone out of a group, do not answer questions like, "What was wrong?" with anything that starts with "You..."
"What was wrong?"
"You are always late, eat all the pizza and hit on my girlfriend."
"I'll start coming on time and leave your girlfriend alone!"
"What was wrong?"
"You're a jerk."
"I'll change!"
Instead, answer the question with something that starts with "I..."
"What was wrong?"
"I'm not comfortable with the way you treat my girlfriend, and I think it's better that you don't come here anymore."
"I'll stop!"
"I'm sorry; she and I just aren't happy to have you here anymore."
"What was wrong?"
"I can't handle you in my game. It's my fault - your creative, out-of-the-box thinking just totally derails every plot I've tried to run for the past two months. I can see that the way you have fun and the way I have fun just aren't going to work well together."
"I'll change!"
"Bob, we've talked about this before, and you haven't changed at all. I just can't cope with it anymore."
I'm going to gloss over Abilities, since I don't remember anymore how they're different at all from Skills. (Maybe they're like Advantages in-game?...) We'll hit goal-setting next, and then I'll take a stab at
m_streight's original question: How do I get my players to role-play more?
